As I sit here writing this, I’m assuming that a message will come to my phone at any minute asking for my presence at a thing. Yeah a “thing”: I’m going to keep it that vague. I simply do not want to go to said “thing”. However, I also do not want to just say, “Hey I’m not going because I don’t want to”. The vast majority of people would think that sounds rude. So what do I do? Do I lie? I mean that’s actually more rude, but hey, who would know!? Do I even need to give a reason? I mean a reason when declining an invitation is pretty much expected, but should it be?
Rarely is my only reason for not going to something that I just don’t want to. My physical health is often my number one reason for not attending things. I’ve only mentioned it vaguely on my blog, but I have multiple autoimmune diseases. They cause me issues on the daily, & to varying degrees. Sometimes I can push through them, & other times I can’t. When I’ve been having a lengthy “flare”, I try to avoid making plans. More often, however, I do not know how I’m going to feel until I wake up, & that can unfortunately cause me to have to cancel my attendance once I’ve already confirmed. In those cases, I think giving a reason for cancelling is even more expected. It can, however, be difficult to talk to people about my physical health. A lot of times people think I’m exaggerating, or lying all together. The whole, “if you don’t actually look sick, then you must be fine” thing, or on the opposite side of the spectrum, I sometimes get pitied, which also doesn’t help. So for those reasons & more, it’s not always that easy to just say, “Sorry I can’t make it to ____ because I feel like shit”,
My second most common reason, though lately it’s actually my first most common reason for skipping out on things is my mental health. I’ve also kept it vague thus far, but I have what I call “super anxiety”. My anxiety levels vary, but lately they have been quite high. Sometimes debilitating. I have general anxiety which stems from a bazillion & one different things that give me anxiety. And it affects me in different ways; mentally, emotionally, & even physically. TMI but the last cpl of months my anxiety was so high that I was literally getting sick to my stomach every day. It was scary! As I mentioned above, I get anxiety from a bazillion & one different things, some of my biggest are required to go to events; 01. I get extreme motion sickness & therefore knowing I have to get in the car to go somewhere can really suck & 02. I get extremely claustrophobic & therefore knowing I am going to a crowded place can really fuck me up. A few wks ago I was to attend a blogger event, my first one ever. I unfortunately had to cancel my presence the night before. For the first time ever I was honest about my anxiety being the reason that I wasn’t going to make it. It took everything in me to say it. I literally got even more anxiety about telling them my anxiety was going to prevent my attendance. Like with ones physical health, talking about mental health can be uncomfortable, embarrassing even. It shouldn’t be, but it is, mostly because it’s still so misunderstood. PAUSE. I am literally getting anxiety as I’m typing this, watery-eyed too. I pride myself in being a [besides occasional white lies] honest person, blunt even, I try to always be myself & to be proud of who I am, but it is really hard to be this transparent right now. I’m not obligated to be, but I can chose to be, so if I do post this in a little bit, then well that was MY choice! Just like if I’m too uncomfortable to say it’s my anxiety that causes me to miss an event is my choice as well. That leads me to my last topic within this topic…
Oh real quick – UNPAUSE (kinda forgot I paused. I have this way of going on & on, I know you’ve noticed!)There are a fuckload of other reasons people (such as myself) cannot or will not attend every single thing they are invited to. Maybe we’re (btw we refers to you & I for the rest of this post) already going to a different event that same night, maybe we have to get up super early the next morning & can’t be out late, maybe our car broke down, maybe we need to catch up around the house, maybe we have nothing to wear, maybe we’re not fans of all of the guests that will be there, maybe we just don’t freaking want to go for no reason other than we just don’t want to. Whatever the reason it SHOULD be up to US whether or not we want to give the exact reason we cannot make it or if we just want to keep it vague with a, “Yo, sorry, but I won’t be able to make it to the thing you invited me to”. And we should remember that. Like if you’re my friend, explain away about how your dog shit all over your house & you’ll be spending the next 5 hrs cleaning it up, or how that super hot dude at your gym asked you out & you need this, or that you grandma died (again like for the seventh time), or if she really did die & you want to share that information, go ahead. But if you cannot make it or don’t want to make it to something I invited you to, I’m fine with a good ole’ “Can’t make it, sorry/sorry not sorry (depending on if you’re sorry or not haha)”. The end.